Oh, my mom is going to kill me if she reads this one….
October 2011 was almost the death of me, and I wish I was kidding.
The entire month of October I was blacked out drunk.
It was senior year of high school. I thought I was going out with a bang and living it up.
Swim season just started so the demand of practices were low and I was still able to get away with my reckless ass behavior.
I spent Friday and Saturday nights at friend’s houses, drinking an entire fifth of vodka a night. Waking up, going to practice and school, and doing it all over again. I would drink in my room on weeknights by myself.
The last weekend of October my friend and I nearly died. We finished swim practice, ran to the gas station to buy 5 hour energy, and headed over to a friend’s house.
PSA DO NOT DRINK A FIVE HOUR ENERGY BEFORE DRINKING ALCOHOL AS A STUPID HIGH SCHOOLER I PROMISE YOU IT IS NOT FUN.
Needless to say, we blacked the fuck out. I spent the night puking and to this day I don’t remember a single thing that happened that night.
Well, because of my history of BFRB I had open sores all over my face. I spent the night puking. In some guy’s dirty ass fucking toilet. With open sores.
The following Monday I was still hungover, still with no recollection of that night, and so sick. I woke up that morning and my face was painful. I went to morning conditioning practice and when the school day started a friend asked me what the fuck was going on with my chin. Knowing damn well I still had acne and open sores all over my face, I assumed that’s what they were asking about.
Turns out I looked like a bullfrog. I had a massive double chin that was swollen to shit. Literally probably a two inch mass under my chin.
I left school and went to immediate care. They gave me medication for the swelling and my “cold / flu symptoms” and sent me home. But before leaving, the doctor made sure to tell me that if I the swelling of my chin didn’t subside in an hour to go to the emergency room. Okay…whatever.
Turns out the swelling was getting worse and it was painful. I called my doctor and told him, he immediately referred me to my ENT I had previously had appointments with for other reasons, and my mom rushed me over the him.
The ENT immediately sent me to get a CT scan. And before I knew it, he was admitting me to the ER.
I had developed a infection in the lymph node located right under my chin. The doctors were worried it was MRSA. WTF. And said that if I had waited any longer or had gotten hit in the chin and the abscess burst, I could have died. OKAY WAIT WHAT.
Mind you, I am now freaking out. Because at the time my friend asked about my swelling up chin, we just finished up morning conditioning for swim practice. We were working on medicine ball tosses against the wall. And because I was sick and hungover and loopy, I missed the ball on a couple of occasions and had an 8 lbs medicine ball smacking me in the throat as it rebounded off the wall…GREAT.
I had an emergency surgery to drain the abscess and I spent a week in the hospital hooked up to IV antibiotics.
My mom had slight knowledge of my BFRB at the time. When she asked me how this could have happened, I told her and my doctors that I might have picked it up at school through my open sores and due to the fact that high schoolers are fucking disgusting (tell me that’s not a true statement).
In honesty, I am 10,000% certain I picked up the infection from that disgusting ass boy toilet I spent my weekend with my head inside of.
After the pathology report of the drainage came back, it turned out not to be MRSA but instead a large collection of staph. WHICH is basically the same fucking thing.
So…clean your fucking toilets. Wash your fucking face. Don’t spend your nights puking into dirty ass toilets. Puke in the sink or in a trash can. Or just don’t puke.
Also, the weekend after getting out of the hospital, guess where my ass was? Oh yeah. Drinking again. WOW WAY TO GO, ME.